Why it’s important to be honest with children

Children are naturally curious. From wanting to know why the sky is blue to the more complex “Why do people argue?”, there are plenty of pieces of the puzzle to fill in for them – or not.

You might want to give vague answers, especially when they touch on difficult or sensitive topics. It can be easy to tell white lies, especially if you’re struggling to know how to respond appropriately.

Here’s a look at why being honest is a better way to go.

Building trust

When you’re truthful with your children, they learn they can rely on you. This trust forms the basis of a healthy relationship where they feel safe to ask questions and share their thoughts.

To build this trust, always acknowledge their concerns and answer truthfully, but in an age-appropriate way. If you don’t have all the answers, it’s okay to admit it. “That’s a good question. I’m not sure, but I can find out for you,” is a perfectly valid response.

This honesty reinforces that you are a reliable source of information and support and will be open if something big happens, such as the death of a pet or a move to a new school.

Promoting emotional intelligence

Children learn how to manage emotions by observing and experiencing honest communication. When you share your feelings in a way that’s appropriate, children understand that emotions are normal and manageable. If you need to tell your children that you’re separating from their other parent, for instance, explaining the situation honestly allows children to express sadness or concern rather than feeling left in the dark.

Ask questions like, “How does that make you feel?” or “What’s worrying you about that?” These conversations teach children to understand their thoughts.

For big things like a death in the family or divorce, solicitors, therapists and other professionals can help you navigate the process and consider how you want to tell your children. But if you’ve laid the groundwork by encouraging them to talk about their feelings without fear of being judged or misled, your children can develop emotional intelligence that is essential during significant changes in their lives.

Developing critical thinking

When you provide truthful information, children learn to think critically. They begin to ask questions and consider different perspectives. If a child asks about a news event or social issue, giving an honest explanation encourages them to explore the topic further. Instead of trying to protect them from complex ideas, offering clear and accurate information allows them to form their own opinions.

Ask them questions like, “What do you think about that?” or “Why do you think that happened?” This approach gives them permission to analyse situations, consider consequences, and develop well-rounded views.

Countering misconceptions

Children often fill gaps in their understanding with imagination or misinformation. Without honest explanations, their minds can create scenarios that are far more frightening than reality. By addressing their concerns truthfully, you can provide information they need in a way that matches their age and comprehension level.

Enhancing communication skills

When children feel heard and valued, they are more likely to engage in meaningful conversations. Modelling open dialogue teaches them that communication involves both speaking and listening, helping them develop empathy and understanding.

Encourage this by creating a safe space where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts. Acknowledge their opinions, ask follow-up questions, and listen without interrupting. Demonstrating that their views matter can help you get into the habit of having honest, open chats with them.

Building communication between you and your children also makes it possible for them to feel they can come to you about difficult topics. They’ll know they can share what they need to and that you’ll respond in a way that’s caring and centres them.